I'm Zoe and I don't know why I think I'm important enough to be murdered. Also I laugh at my own jokes.

batreaux:

You bump into a man on the subway wearing a trenchcoat. You apologize and he responds “Its alright. We’re only human. All of us. All of us here are human. Yep. Very human. I’m probably the most human here! You betcha.” and then the trenchcoat falls and the figure collapses and roughly 1000 salamanders scatter around the train 

(via bewbin)

80,016 notes

strigays:

i apparently go to bird school which is for birds

neildegrassetyson:

neildegrassetyson:

So I’m hosting a Chinese exchange student for the year, and she came in last night at midnight, so I was asleep (trying to get back on a regular sleep schedule, you know?), and this morning she gave me a gift.

  • It’s a mug
  • When you put hot liquid in it
  • It changes from solid black
  • To
  • Pictures
  • Of
  • My
  • Face

image

(via zackisontumblr)

99,063 notes

pemsylvania:

welcome to my crib sorry it’s a little small i’ve had it since I was a baby

(Source: pemsylvania, via parydise)

163,407 notes
lackyannie:

theangiec:

This makes me laugh. everytime. I will never not reblog this 

THIS IS MY NUMBER 1 FAVORITE THING OON THIS GOD FORSAKEN SITE

unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

im crying one direction got some nerve committing a sin as bad as making zayn morph into louis when its good friday jesus didnt die for that

(via evernights)

4,241 notes
296,227 notes
rnicrophone:

hotsuburbandad:

This is fake. They haven’t been sat on that rock for 50 years. If you look closely you can clearly see her swimsuit is different in the second photo, it has stripes on it. And the guy’s shorts seem to have a more floral pattern in the latter photo.Also, if someone sat on a rock for 50 years, it would have made the news. My theory is, they simply returned to the same location 50 years later, and recreated the original photo.

way to go genius

bikinipowerbottom:

"She’s really pretty for a black girl"

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“He’s really cool for a gay guy”

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“She’s doing really well for a woman”

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(via evanishingrose)

125,334 notes

harrystylesdildo:

"You took two dicks at the same time?!!!!!"

image

(via tyleroakley)

37,081 notes

realniggaannouncements:

I had a dream last night that Jesus finally resurrected and when white people found out he wasn’t white they arrested him for 2000 something years of tax invasion  

(via evanishingrose)

53,370 notes